To illustrate my point, take a moment to think of the ten best memories of your childhood before high school.  Chances are, if you’re over 30, most of these memories involve playing outside your house with friends, not scheduled events with adults around.  To jog your memory, I’ll offer my list from my childhood in the suburbs of Pittsburgh, PA in the 1960s and 70s, not in any particular order:

organizing and running a carnival w/ my friends for a Muscular Dystrophy charity in the Weiss’ backyard
stickball in the Bruces’ backyard w/ the neighborhood guys everyday one summer
building a tree house in the woods behind the Allens’ house and hanging out there w/ the guys one summer
hiking w/ the Weiss brothers in hip boots through the stream at their farm
my first hit in minor league baseball, a triple to deep center, after many games without swinging at all
seeing Pittsburgh Steelers’ home games with my dad, especially Franco Harris’ immaculate reception in 1972(!)
golfing with my dad on Sunday mornings
pickup softball and tag football in the street next to our house
pickup hoops and H-O-R-S-E on the court behind the Morrisons’ house
kill-the-guy-with-the-ball games, especially the one where the guys conspired to not tackle me on purpose, fooling me into thinking I had become the next O. J. Simpson

[Feel free to offer the best ten memories of your pre-high school childhood in comments!]

Now that you have your best ten memories in mind, ask yourself, how many of those are possible for your kids?  For most American children, memories that involve unstructured play with no adults around are simply not possible today.  For instance, I live in Palo Alto, CA, and I can tell you that for kids here, all but 5, 6, and 7 from my list are practically impossible.

Now you might say, of course, times have changed, so the American childhood today isn’t better or worse.  It’s just different. 

Yes, it’s different, but it’s worse, too.  A whole lot worse.  Sure, we had organized sports practices and games and piano lessons back then, just a lot fewer than kids have today.  Would I trade all my kill-the-guy-with-the-ball games for Youth Soccer?  Not on your life.  One thing we didn’t have back then that kids have now are “playdates.” How about building a tree house and hanging out there all summer vs. a dozen “playdates?” Are you kidding?

Sad?  I’d say so.  Actually, I’m angry more than sad.  In general, we have more money than our parents did, but for some reason, collectively as a society, we’ve chosen to create worse lives for our kids.  That sucks.  In fact, I just can’t accept it.

That’s why I’m writing this blog. I and others will try to show what’s wrong with the ultra-structured, adult-mediated American childhood of today.  As we’ll argue, the negative effects of this go far beyond mere lack of fun.  Because of this change in lifestyle, kids of today have fewer opportunities to develop social skills, leadership skills, and creativity, and they’re a heck of a lot fatter than we were. 

More than just whining, though, we’ll explore solutions to this problem.  I’m a five-time Silicon Valley entrepreneur, so chances are, you’ll see me take one of the solutions we propose here and try to make it happen.  Stay tuned…

When I think about my kids’ (boys, 3 and soon-to-be-born) futures, I’m terrified.  I’m not terrified that they will have inferior educations or live in an unsafe world.  I’m terrified that they won’t have very much fun.

Mike,

As I mentioned to you when you sent me the manifesto, middle class and upper middle class parents make choices. Many chose to live in the suburbs in big, secure houses with distant neighbors. Next step is playdates to remedy the “problem”. Soccer practice, etc. There are many wonderful urban areas/neighborhoods left in America and the world, but people (parents) make a choice not to live in them. Living in Rhode Island, Laurie and I have made explicit choices to not move several times, partially based on the environment for kids, and have, most recently sold our big house in the burbs for a smaller house that costs much more in the city. But there are about 12 kids on the block, mostly outside any nice evening playing with one another. All ages - 3-12. We live a mile from work. I take Ben to school on a wagon or by bike. When one chooses to live in the burbs they are choosing to live with people that share common values, positive or negative. Living in a city neighborhood this is likewise the case. So I think the “problem” is less an endemic problem and more a pattern of middle class migration to suburban areas and what that implies for most kids. This same migration pattern has all sorts of other (negative) ramifications for our cities and our country. But I think you are pointing out a symptom of a larger issue, not a root cause. There is a solution. Most people have the ability/freedom to choose to live somewhere that is much more of a neighborhood, but it may mean: 1) poorer schools, 2) older, more expensive housing, 3) high taxes, 4) less safety (or at least perceived as less safety. The other issue is that less of these neighborhoods seem to exist on the coasts and the south (which has many driving cities). But people don’t seem to want to live in the midwest - Pittsburgh has what I describe (and even affordable, very nice housing), but it is losing population. Same for other “livable” cities.

As you indicate, there are no easy answers here. 

In our world-class city here in the Bay Area, San Francisco, less than 15% of its population is between 0 and 18, as opposed to 25+% in the rest of the US.  Lots of people there are not happy to see your kids as you walk down most streets there.  Many restaurants don’t have high chairs.  I know there are neighborhoods within SF that are better than others for kids, but they’re certainly not a panacea.

So, many (most?) yuppies in SF move to the burbs once they have kids, and most of us don’t find what we’re seeking.  My wife and I are still seeking - a house, that is.  It’s been two years since we started househunting.  We find glimmers of hope here and there, so we’re not giving up.  It certainly is frustrating, though.

Part of my point in the article that I will elaborate on a lot later is that the real estate industry as a whole could do a *much* better job for us parents at finding kid-friendly houses.  I’ll save a detailed discussion of that for later…

Mike:

SF is a “world-class” city by some metrics, but perhaps not others. What is good for one demographic is not necessarily good for another. People wouldn’t call PGH a world-class city, but it is probably a better place to raise kids. Again, our living decisions (not just the house, but the city) make a huge difference in the kind of lives we give our kids. As do access to TV, video games, etc.

-m

Two books worth considering:

The Dangerous Book for Boys
The Daring Book for Girls

Also, RI has something similar to this site:

http://www.kidinfo.com

-m

Re Michael Tarr’s last comment, another article I posted is relevant here.  Check out What Kids Want in a House Most is Not in the House.  There I talk about the fact that parents are so focused on getting the “nicest” house they can, while their kids, if they know anything about how much fun they can have in a great neighborhood, could care less about the house itself.

I gotta say guys, there seems to be a clear solution given what you are all expressing and identifying as “the problem” - move out of the bay area! Maybe it was great when you were single, coupled but childless, but it doesn’t seem to be working for you now. Maybe you can “fix” it for some neighborhood, but there are many other places to live in America where much of what you seem to want for your kids exists.

-m

Yes, absolutely, I (and others) will post a *lot* about solutions, and eventually, we intend to offer solutions here that are much more than just advice.  Because I think answering this question is so important, I’m going to make it a post.  I won’t be offering any solutions in detail, but I’ll provide an overview of what we intend to do in the coming months.

Finally, Jean, I’m *very* happy to see your comment and welcome you with open arms to Playborhood.  You’re exactly the kind of passionate, pro-play activist parent we created this site for!

Wow, Front Porch Forum sounds great!!!  Perhaps we can do a story about it for Playborhood.

When I was elementary age, my family’s house was the “playborhood!’ I grew up in a bit of Westchester suburb close that bordered the Bronx. It was sort of a no-man’s land, outside of the City but poor and disconnected from the places people associate with “Westchester.” My grandfather, a farmer from Mississippi, bought three contiguous plots in the early 1930s and put only one house on them.  When he was raising his one kid, he operated a working farm, including livestock. By the 1970s when I lived there, the livestock were out, but my family did have a small field of corn, figs, grapes, roses, a barbecue area complete with picnic tables, a two-car garage with a long, enclosed driveway (great for roller skating) and two “mini-woods” of trees. My three sisters and I, the neighborhood kids, and our (friendly) dog could hang out there all day during the summer. My mother or grandmother could watch over us unobtrousively from the kitchen window.